1966 I reluctantly left my mum’s womb on a cold winter’s evening in 1966 in Harrogate, a small town in North Yorkshire in England.
1973 Went to Wembley to see Sunderland AFC beat Leeds Utd 1-0 in the FA Cup Final (Porterfield, 31 min).
1978 Won a scholarship to an all-boys public school which was to play a crucial part in my lack of emotional development. Soon abandoned a life of cricket and academia for music and art after hearing The Ramones ‘Rocket To Russia’ album, and seeing Gee Vaucher’s artwork for Crass.
1979 Formed my first band, appropriately called ‘No Reality’ and got an admirable 0% in my art exam for ignoring the set questions and tracing the cover of the first Ruts album instead.
1985 Moved to London to seek my fame and fortune, but ended up asleep on the dole in a collection of grim bedsits for the entire time instead.
1990 Hitched back to Yorkshire just in time to suffer the first of many breakdowns/severe depressive episodes. Soothed myself by making music, collages and Dadaist anti-poetry.
1994 Shocked out of my inertia with an offer to tour the world with Atlantic Records recording artist and former drinking buddy Francis Dunnery. I played acoustic guitar, sang backing vocals and recited my anti-poetry to bemused audiences from Canada to Australia. An album of the Glasgow gig was released, called ‘One Night In Sauchiehall Street’.
1996 Worked as a gigging and second-rate session bass player, playing on some God-awful Christian albums as well as some pop efforts, including Take That’s Mark Owen’s solo album.
1998 Formed dark-pop band Younger Younger 28′s with the idea of setting my tales of hopelessness and despair to brash electro-pop tunes. Tipped by the music press to be the next big thing, we shook hands with Richard Branson and signed to V2 Record. Within 6 months we’d played the Main Stage at the Glastonbury Festival, appeared on the Big Breakfast with a bewildered Kelly Brook as well as on CD/UK with Ant and Dec. Debut album ‘Soap’ was released.
1999 Unsurprisingly lost the record deal, had a belated hit in Japan with ‘We’re Going Out’, and disappeared without a trace.
2000 Celebrated the dawning of the New Millenium with another severe depressive episode, soothing myself by making music, collages and Dadaist anti-poetry.
2002 Recorded and toured a collection of poems, comic songs and primal noises, ominously called ‘Itchy Circus Odour’. Around this time I was often to be found performing on various stages in the UK wearing a sheep’s mask and making moaning noises. Also recorded ‘Children Rule!’, an album of melancholy pop songs.
2006 Exhibited art for the first time at the Raw Arts Festival in Valencia and the Funhouse Gallery in Detroit. Recorded and toured a second album of poetry, surreal comedy and metaphorical death rattles promisingly titled ‘A Conglomeration Of Jockstraps’.
2008 Featuring the wonderful vocalizations of Maria Jardardottir, I recorded experimental music and spoken word album, ‘Melancholia’. Norwegian video-artist Ulf Kristiansen made an animated a video to accompany the track, ‘She Burns’.
2009 Produced over 200 collages in a particularly creative frenzy whilst in the midst of another unforgiving and brutal depression. Exhibited at the Pallant House Gallery in Chichester and had one of my artworks used on the front cover of the Big Issue. Recorded new album, ‘Here’s To the Good Life’.
2012/13 Art exhibitions in Berlin, London and Detroit amongst others. Recorded the experimental album ‘Power Failure’ as well as old-school punk album ‘This Is Planet Grot’. Ulf Kristiansen made another hilarious and disturbing video for ‘Jesus In The Manger’.